Pigby-The Guinea Pig

I sometimes wonder if Pigby will grow up hating me forever because he's the oldest and the "guinea pig." Well, I guess the name is fitting, even though Pigby in Pushing Daisies was in fact a pig. But I am constantly second guessing myself and what I need to do with him and changing my mind only to change it back several months later. I should probably give that whole praying thing a try.

I came to the realization that I was boring. So then I decided we needed to add geography in. Galloping the Globe has a lot of ideas for hands-on activities and crafts. Then I found a store with awesome art supplies and have dedicated my first paycheck to getting some things. Since I'm still unsure about the boys activity group, the boys in the activity group are a lot older than him, I thought we might be better off doing something he enjoys more, like art classes. Well, he cried. And I felt like an evil mommy again. It's such a hard gig. I don't think I'll ever get it right.

I have so many worries. Math, arts and crafts, language arts, socialization, science. I am stressing myself out over all of it, probably unnecessarily. I'm trying to be perfect and that's really hard and am beating myself up. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to stop myself from worrying either. I've been getting stress dreams again. Last night I had a dream about Corey and his "first girlfriend." (In real life, I was the first girlfriend) It was an awful dream. I started packing a suitcase for me and the kids and he didn't even care. I woke up so sad (and also had a little girl kicking me in the stomach), it always takes me a minute to remember that we really are married and he still loves me.

I took Pigby with me to the library last night. I was going to go by myself and do some lesson planning. He wanted to go so bad, so I let him on the condition that he sit in the chair and read without running around all over. He did really well. It was a sweet time. Afterward, I took him to Macey's and we got ice cream cones. Poor kid was out way past his bedtime, but he says it was a lot of fun. Now we're reading a book of knock knock jokes he got at the library. He loves knock knock jokes, but I think a lot of these are going over his head. It's still pretty funny.